"hey, maybe you should challenge your belonging to an identity or the existence of the identity itself and whether you are inadvertently oppressing a more marginalized group by creating a place for yourself here when there may not be room, or when space is limited so while your presence is not wholly unwelcome it is perhaps questionable, idk, consider it" =/= identity policing, gatekeeping, deciding who belongs or who doesn't. nuance? what is that??
on this day 11 years ago, i was playing the part of veronica AND mary magdalene in our school’s stations of the cross. basically this was my eighth grade music teacher subtly calling me a gigantic whore.
aww I think tumblr ate my ask. oh well. the gist of it was: "wow, what the actual frick, your face is perfect. srsly." After I looked around your blog some more, I realized that you're not just a handsome face (I know how you like being called handsome, and I mean it too, like, dang, you're really handsome, seriously) (where was I going with this) (ah right) you're a really great person too. Your face is not the only thing that's perfect dude, your whole existence is perf. js.
Maybe it's because genderfluid or genderqueer people have a right to identify within the trans definition and you really don't have a right to make that call for anyone but yourself.
i didn’t say all genderqueer or genderfluid people can’t be trans. i’m saying that as an afab genderqueer person, i don’t know that i feel comfortable identifying as trans (and definitely not as trans*) because i think that it’s complicated for someone of my particular gender narrative and experience to take that on as a POLITICIZED identity. you have a right to identify as whatever you want, i would never say otherwise. but it is inherently complicated as an afab genderqueer person of the gender narrative i’m speaking to to take on the identity of trans as a political identity and also to occupy that space. here is a fantastic set of words on all of these things that i think is true as fuck and that you should read if you’d like:
do you ever identify as trans*? how do you deal with explaining to people that you are fluid. i keep running into this problem for myself as someone who pretty much has no preference when it comes to how i want people to perceive me, no preferred pronouns and such.
oh boy, you have just asked me the most complicated question in the world. i have, at times, identified as trans*, but that was a while back when i thought i was dead set on physical transition at some point. i don’t actively identify as trans, partly because i don’t identify as much of anything anymore because as i said in the last ask, i have not had the time or energy to give to identity or gender introspection. but i want to be really clear: i think it’s really complex and sometimes inappropriate for people who are afab genderqueer/genderfluid to identify as trans as a political identity, and that has always been part of my reasoning in staying away from the identity. for example, i wouldn’t feel comfortable in trans-only spaces (a bit like how i don’t feel comfortable in gendered spaces, or spaces where my identity has to be considered solid and static in some way) because my narrative of gender is so vastly different than a trans narrative, and also because i think that certain narratives of transition are already in constant threat of invalidation and appropriation by certain types of trans* identities (my on and off use of the asterisk is not by mistake, by the way) and i don’t want to contribute to that in any way, especially in safe spaces. while i do bind, physically augment my body to appear more masculine/male, and do not (always) identify as a woman, i don’t see myself as a transman. except sometimes? i don’t know, lord, this is hard.
i don’t explain to people that i’m fluid except on this tumblr, to be honest. i don’t find myself in positions where i have to explain my identity very often because, as i said, it is how they perceive me, and whatever they’ve perceived me as is what sticks. someone people know me as a butch girl, some people know me as a genderqueer person with gender neutral pronouns, some people think i am a boy and that kade is a male name from america. they’re all correct as far as i’m concerned. thus i don’t correct them and i roll with whatever our relationship has established as my identity.
it’s probably worth knowing that i do think about going through physical transition with hormones a lot, but i’m not sure how that would affect my identity. i am someone who wishes to be perceived as a boy but does not want to identify as male. i would like to make that more physically obvious, but at the same time i am really hesitant about permanent changes of any kind. i’m sorry this is a long hot mess but yep, i’m weird and on the fence about all this
wow you pass really well. I wish I could! Sheesh. Anything you do to help the process a little or is it just how you dress?
i don’t really work on passing. it’s a thing that has happened unintentionally and while i genuinely feel really, really good when i pass as a teenage boy, it’s also a temporary comfort because it’s still an illusion i am then pressured to maintain (although in ireland, i have yet to feel that my not passing would lead to unsafe situations — while i get a lot of rude looks in the ladies’ bathroom and occasional curiosity/that particularly irish brand of friendly inquisition, i don’t miss the hostility i got a lot in philadelphia). my gender identity is basically whatever people think i am. if you think i’m a boy, i’m a boy. if you think i’m a butch lady, i’m a butch lady. if you don’t know what i am, then i’m neither or either or both. i am comfortable being fluid and malleable and completely in the hands of the interpreter.
as for the technical part of passing, i think thing number one is physicality: i have masculine facial features, very masculine body language, broad shoulders, etc. in ireland, i pass because irish masculinity is a lot less aggressive than american masculinity (also the men are shorter and the styles are very boyish and dublin in general is a city of teenage boys, honestly). but my voice is not at all masculine, and i have feminine hips and look very not male from behind. in situations where someone is a) watching me walk away or b) listening to me talk, i definitely don’t pass as a cis male. those are situations i don’t particularly like, but i haven’t spent too much time dwelling on the dysphoria because i’m busy with so many other things in my life and i’m not in a figuring out my gender again stage. i just do not have time, sadly
Duuude in that old pic you look so much like the girls that thought my combat boots, men's pants and rock tees were so cool in catholic high school and then blossomed into MOC lesbians by their 3rd term of college. The handsome face, shoulderish length natural dark hair and clothes There a fucking lez hivemind no one told us bisexual folks about? Or's it just a trying to "be normal" thing people try to do that haven't been "de-normalised" when they were a mouthy 8 yr old in special ed?
omg you thought i was handsome, that is the greatest compliment in the world
Oh my gawsh, is this Kate, Autostraddle Kate? I found you by accident tumbling about Tumblr, but what a beautiful, happy accident indeed. You're a splendid human with shining thoughts and I love you for it.
Recently I've been seeing people talk about the butch crop top, you totally called it (well Prince did almost 30 years ago, but w/e). Also will you be at ACamp this May? I am going and you're my favorite writer from Autostraddle and it would be rad if you were there
i will not be at acamp because may is the time of year when my quest to convince irish immigration to let me stay begins, but have a super rad time on the mountain for me :)
So instead of boi, is it ok to use boy for white moc queers?
if boy is a term you’re comfortable identifying with, sure. i know it’s not for everyone because it is super gendered and still used primarily to describe a cis young/younger dude, but if that’s what feels right to you, go for it