Ok I saw your current post an remember your writing in autostraddle about the butch community. I a femme so I can't speak for anyone, but yeah I've met so many butches that are pretty shitty members of the queer community but there are also a lot of REALLY great ones and I hope that your writing on autostraddle may help change the butch community for the better. Anyways you're really great and hella handsome byebye
but yeah i used to write butch please for autostraddle which was musings on masculinity in butchness and things i dealt with as a masc person and idek feeeeeeeelings but it’s there if anyone wants to know my actual stance on things
why is it every time i try to make a new masc/butch friend they say a super shitty thing within the first 30 minutes of us hanging out? like i legitimately would love to have more masc folks in my life but some of us are the shittiest fucking people. i don’t even understand how this much shittiness can be contained so comfortably and self-assuredly in a person (except i do: welcome to a world of anxious masculinity, where all of the worst traits you know and love about masculinity have been internalized by a person in a ‘save the boobies’ bracelet and a bowtie who thinks their queerness makes them exempt from bullshit)
i’m not even talking about cockiness which is whatever, because you know, pot and kettle, but holy fuck try not to be such a raging fucking disrespectful transphobic biphobic femme-disregarding shitstain, yeah? jesus h. christ i do not blame femmes and feminine people for thinking so little of us
BREAKING NEWS: finally have enough of a mullet that i can start my rattail. gonna tuck it up into my hat during work so it doesn’t get muddy. this isn’t your daddy’s rattail, this is a nice clean professional rattail
i just read your response to the asexual question and i want to say it helped me a lot, lot, lot, lot, too. like, it's hard to explain, but just hearing it's okay from someone who admits it's hard to grasp (which it is for me too sexuality is confusing and labels don't really help) really made me smile and feel okay, the most okay i've felt in a while. thank you. you are so good and deserve only good things
ah you’re lovely and this was lovely but of course your username is misterlovely so i guess i should have already known your message would be lovely. you are so very right, labels are not helpful in a lot of ways and have always just served to make me feel a lot more anxious and confused and concerned about whether or not i was fitting in or doing the things the label implied or if the label was even a legitimate thing for me to use, etc. i only use the word queer because its definition as nebulous and vague and fluid is the only thing i feel comfortable slapping on my ever-evolving desires. we are all 100% valid in our consensual desires, you know? and it’s shitty that sometimes we don’t feel valid in those things and they end up being the things that hurt us so much, because society and internalized shame and all kinds of fears make us feel that the things we feel are wrong. so i’m glad you feel okay, you deserve to only feel the absolute most okay all of the time. i hope a whole plethora of wonderful things come your way very soon if not immediately and in a cuddly form
do any of you have success stories about breaking ties with your parents and leaving by your volition? they can be your stories or someone else’s stories or an example that you know is true. i want to know that it’s possible and it doesn’t destroy you. i need to hear that the other side is okay too
i sent you that asexuality message when i was feeling really low and alone (nothing makes me feel more low or alone tbh) and reading your words today when i feel a little better brought tears to my eyes. i wish more people could be as gentle and kind and caring and open minded as you, you really are a gem of a person and i hope you know that your presence very literally helps people. thank you &i wish you the absolute best
and this in turn brought a huge smile to my face after a long day, so see? we’re all helping each other out here, we’re all a huge part in each other’s happiness and recovery and all of that. thank you for this message and thank you for being wonderful. i wish you the absolute best as well, stranger. always always always
idk do i have one? sure. do i use it? pretty rarely
i don’t really use toys, and i’ve never heard a partner complain. like if i was with someone who wanted more strap-on, i would 100% be okay with that and out it would come, but it hasn’t been the case so i keep doing my thing. i’m all about being hands-on, pun intended. like, those babies are my pride and joy, and they have worked hard to be masters. to me, it would feel like retiring an olympian swimmer and replacing it with a pool vacuum
i dont know why im sending this to you but sometimes i think/know i'm asexual and it makes me feel like the most broken unloveable sub-human thing. and that i'm going to end up alone and miss out on the most important human experience. and i consider myself a pretty like open-minded person but i cant figure out how to accept this about myself because when i think about it i just feel so sick.
hey hon, first and foremost i promise you that you are not the most broken unloveable sub-human thing. not even a little bit. not even at all. you are 100% whole and full and loveable and so many good things. in terms of the asexuality thing, i can’t really speak to it bc i’ll be the first to admit that i still don’t understand the identity, especially when it gets divided up into things like demiromantic and grey and the other signifiers. i’ve always understood desire to be fluid, including the ability to desire - sometimes i feel absolutely no desire or sexual impulses, sometimes for long periods of time - so i was never really sure if that identity lined up with the way i understand desire and sexuality. but what it means doesn’t matter. what matters is that i promise you are still 100% okay. you don’t need to come into this identifier until you’re ready, and it’s okay if it still kind of squicks you out - such is the way with identities that we don’t see wide acceptance for our whole lives, especially when there isn’t a lot of knowledge about those things, especially when it makes us feel left out. i promise that sex is not the most important human experience. i promise you are not going to end up alone. we define partnerships and love on such basic shitty terms sometimes, you know? lovers aren’t just sexual partners, lifemates aren’t just lovers, love isn’t just about someone you’d marry or someone you’d fuck or someone that a passerby would interpret as your partner. love and companionship and good people you keep in your life are so much more than the few terms we use or think matter. the most important people in your life don’t have to be people you have sexual relationships with, and that is for darn sure. i know with absolute certainity that my friendships are the most consistent and loving relationships in my life. you won’t be alone, i promise. you won’t be sad forever, you won’t feel broken forever, this is not always. you’ll be okay.
I haven't been following you for very long but I think you're really faboo and I just wanted to say thanks for being a kind or role model for me. I spent a really long time being confused about my sexuality and the way I expressed myself because for so long I had been labeled and thought of as this super feminine straight girl. recently I've been dressing really masculine and coming to terms with my sexuality so I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate your blog.
you’ve got this boo. lots of love on the journey, wherever it takes us all