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Anonymous: do you ever identify as trans*? how do you deal with explaining to people that you are fluid. i keep running into this problem for myself as someone who pretty much has no preference when it comes to how i want people to perceive me, no preferred pronouns and such.

oh boy, you have just asked me the most complicated question in the world. i have, at times, identified as trans*, but that was a while back when i thought i was dead set on physical transition at some point. i don’t actively identify as trans, partly because i don’t identify as much of anything anymore because as i said in the last ask, i have not had the time or energy to give to identity or gender introspection. but i want to be really clear: i think it’s really complex and sometimes inappropriate for people who are afab genderqueer/genderfluid to identify as trans as a political identity, and that has always been part of my reasoning in staying away from the identity. for example, i wouldn’t feel comfortable in trans-only spaces (a bit like how i don’t feel comfortable in gendered spaces, or spaces where my identity has to be considered solid and static in some way) because my narrative of gender is so vastly different than a trans narrative, and also because i think that certain narratives of transition are already in constant threat of invalidation and appropriation by certain types of trans* identities (my on and off use of the asterisk is not by mistake, by the way) and i don’t want to contribute to that in any way, especially in safe spaces. while i do bind, physically augment my body to appear more masculine/male, and do not (always) identify as a woman, i don’t see myself as a transman. except sometimes? i don’t know, lord, this is hard.

i don’t explain to people that i’m fluid except on this tumblr, to be honest. i don’t find myself in positions where i have to explain my identity very often because, as i said, it is how they perceive me, and whatever they’ve perceived me as is what sticks. someone people know me as a butch girl, some people know me as a genderqueer person with gender neutral pronouns, some people think i am a boy and that kade is a male name from america. they’re all correct as far as i’m concerned. thus i don’t correct them and i roll with whatever our relationship has established as my identity.

it’s probably worth knowing that i do think about going through physical transition with hormones a lot, but i’m not sure how that would affect my identity. i am someone who wishes to be perceived as a boy but does not want to identify as male. i would like to make that more physically obvious, but at the same time i am really hesitant about permanent changes of any kind. i’m sorry this is a long hot mess but yep, i’m weird and on the fence about all this

Anonymous: wow you pass really well. I wish I could! Sheesh. Anything you do to help the process a little or is it just how you dress?

i don’t really work on passing. it’s a thing that has happened unintentionally and while i genuinely feel really, really good when i pass as a teenage boy, it’s also a temporary comfort because it’s still an illusion i am then pressured to maintain (although in ireland, i have yet to feel that my not passing would lead to unsafe situations — while i get a lot of rude looks in the ladies’ bathroom and occasional curiosity/that particularly irish brand of friendly inquisition, i don’t miss the hostility i got a lot in philadelphia). my gender identity is basically whatever people think i am. if you think i’m a boy, i’m a boy. if you think i’m a butch lady, i’m a butch lady. if you don’t know what i am, then i’m neither or either or both. i am comfortable being fluid and malleable and completely in the hands of the interpreter.

as for the technical part of passing, i think thing number one is physicality: i have masculine facial features, very masculine body language, broad shoulders, etc. in ireland, i pass because irish masculinity is a lot less aggressive than american masculinity (also the men are shorter and the styles are very boyish and dublin in general is a city of teenage boys, honestly). but my voice is not at all masculine, and i have feminine hips and look very not male from behind. in situations where someone is a) watching me walk away or b) listening to me talk, i definitely don’t pass as a cis male. those are situations i don’t particularly like, but i haven’t spent too much time dwelling on the dysphoria because i’m busy with so many other things in my life and i’m not in a figuring out my gender again stage. i just do not have time, sadly

why does my period always show up on the days when i need to be hot and drunk

uffie:

a retro moment of gypsy whatever

(Source: the-anal-rapist, via mynonexistentvagina)