oh boy, you have just asked me the most complicated question in the world. i have, at times, identified as trans*, but that was a while back when i thought i was dead set on physical transition at some point. i don’t actively identify as trans, partly because i don’t identify as much of anything anymore because as i said in the last ask, i have not had the time or energy to give to identity or gender introspection. but i want to be really clear: i think it’s really complex and sometimes inappropriate for people who are afab genderqueer/genderfluid to identify as trans as a political identity, and that has always been part of my reasoning in staying away from the identity. for example, i wouldn’t feel comfortable in trans-only spaces (a bit like how i don’t feel comfortable in gendered spaces, or spaces where my identity has to be considered solid and static in some way) because my narrative of gender is so vastly different than a trans narrative, and also because i think that certain narratives of transition are already in constant threat of invalidation and appropriation by certain types of trans* identities (my on and off use of the asterisk is not by mistake, by the way) and i don’t want to contribute to that in any way, especially in safe spaces. while i do bind, physically augment my body to appear more masculine/male, and do not (always) identify as a woman, i don’t see myself as a transman. except sometimes? i don’t know, lord, this is hard.
i don’t explain to people that i’m fluid except on this tumblr, to be honest. i don’t find myself in positions where i have to explain my identity very often because, as i said, it is how they perceive me, and whatever they’ve perceived me as is what sticks. someone people know me as a butch girl, some people know me as a genderqueer person with gender neutral pronouns, some people think i am a boy and that kade is a male name from america. they’re all correct as far as i’m concerned. thus i don’t correct them and i roll with whatever our relationship has established as my identity.
it’s probably worth knowing that i do think about going through physical transition with hormones a lot, but i’m not sure how that would affect my identity. i am someone who wishes to be perceived as a boy but does not want to identify as male. i would like to make that more physically obvious, but at the same time i am really hesitant about permanent changes of any kind. i’m sorry this is a long hot mess but yep, i’m weird and on the fence about all this