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there’s a new scar on my cheek the size of a thumbprint and i hate this life of continually acquiring new scars, continually wondering how much it will cost in time and money to attempt the almost fruitless act of getting rid of it, if it’s worth it, if it or i will be enough

i don’t want to go back to the doctor who wants to put me on new hormones that will make me more feminine, make my dysphoria worse

i don’t want to be told that i need to change my diet because my relationship with food is already so shitty and the more i try to control the ways in which i eat the more i feel like i need to deny myself food, period

so i’m trying to think positively about my skin, think of these scars as where someone dipped their fingers in red wine and then pressed the tips into my face

someone sent me an ask about dealing with bad cystic and hormonal acne and i can say this: i have never had the answers, not since i started going to the dermatologist at 13 and crying on the car rides home, not since i tried every single treatment possible and hated every single one of them. all i can tell you is that it’s a shitty, shitty thing to deal with, especially when it’s been years and you’re a fucking adult and you thought this would be over by now. the only thing i can try now is to love this scarred skin of mine even though it’s not what i want, and learn to want it regardless because it’s mine, and it’s the only skin i’ll ever have, and scars are just places where your strength can dig deeper

Posted 1 year ago / 16 notes / Tagged: personal, me, acne, tw: ed, body dysphoria,